


Derailed (Director's Cut)

by there_must_be_a_lock



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Elle is Bossy, Episode: s01e09 Derailed, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Missing Scene, Platonic Sex, Screenplay/Script Format, Spencer is Fine With That, discussion of sex, no actual sex though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29480097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/there_must_be_a_lock/pseuds/there_must_be_a_lock
Summary: Spencer: You want to know why I’m confident in my ability to make pennies disappear?Elle: I mean… not really, but I’m guessing you have a point.Spencer: It’s because I’ve been practicing my whole life. I’ve mastered the skill because I’ve had years to do so.[Realization slowly dawns on Elle’s face.]Elle: You’re a virgin, aren’t you?Spencer: Virginity is a social construct based on inherently patriarchal values of purity and the commodification of the female body. [Elle looks sideways at him, raising an eyebrow.] Yes, I’m a virgin.
Relationships: Elle Greenaway/Spencer Reid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Derailed (Director's Cut)

**Author's Note:**

> For the "deleted scene" square on my Criminal Minds Trope Bingo card.

[Around dusk. Hotch is driving an SUV. Morgan is in front, Elle and Spencer in back.]

**Hotch** : Elle, your interview has been rescheduled for tomorrow… and this time I’m driving you. 

**Elle** : I can live with that. 

**Hotch** : Local PD asked Gideon to consult on a case, and they wanted advice on media strategy, so he took JJ. The rest of us aren’t needed, so I got us checked into a motel. 

**Morgan** : Lemme get this straight. We have an actual night off… and we’re spending it in B.F.E., West Texas? 

**Elle** : They have bars in West Texas, right? 

**Spencer:** We just passed one. 

**Elle** : Then you won’t see me complaining. Drinks? Reid? 

**Spencer** : Are you buying?

**Elle** : Hell yes I am. C’mon, Morgan, you gonna come celebrate the fact that I didn’t die today? 

**Morgan** : When you put it that way, I don’t have much of a choice, do I? [They pull up in front of the motel and start piling out of the car.] Showers first, though. 

**Elle:** We can head out in like an hour. How about you, boss? 

**Hotch** : While I’m very glad nobody died, I am not passing up the opportunity to sleep for more than four consecutive hours. I don’t care what you do as long as I don’t get a call in the middle of the night. 

— 

[Inside a bar. Spencer and Elle are sitting at a high top, with a collection of empty glasses in front of them. Both of them are tipsy, not totally drunk but sort of giggly and loose-limbed. Spencer is using a penny to show Elle how he hid the microchip earlier. Nearby, the bartender is handing Morgan three fresh drinks, but he’s distracted, talking to a pretty woman, as he takes them.] 

[Morgan brings their drinks over to the table and sets two of them down.]

**Morgan** : So —

**Elle** : We lost you, huh? [To Spencer] Told you so. 

**Morgan** : How ‘bout you, pretty boy? She’s got friends. 

**Elle** : Oh, come on, you really gonna make me drink alone? 

**Spencer** : Yeah, no thanks. 

**Morgan** : Suit yourself. Don’t wait up. 

[Elle rolls her eyes as he walks away. Then she turns back to Spencer, who’s playing with the penny again.] 

**Elle** : You know I’m joking, right? I’m almost ready to head back to the motel, anyway. You should go have some fun. 

**Spencer** : I’m about ready to call it a night too. And honestly, that doesn’t really seem like fun for me.

[Elle watches him for a second, thinking.]

**Elle** : The flirting? Or the flirting with _girls_? 

**Spencer** : Hmm? 

**Elle** : I shouldn’t have assumed, sorry… are you even interested in women?

**Spencer** : Theoretically, yes? But more to the point, women are rarely interested in me. I’m not… like _that_. [He gestures at Morgan, who’s showing his new friend how to hold a pool cue, saying something in her ear as she giggles.]

**Elle** : It’s about confidence, Doc. Gotta be a little cocky. Not too cocky, but — 

**Spencer** : I don’t know _how_ to be cocky. 

**Elle** : Like hell you don’t. Remember earlier? When I said you probably saved my life, and —

**Spencer** : — I said I _totally_ saved your life. I remember. 

**Elle** : That. Cocky. It works for you. 

**Spencer** : I _did_ save your life, though. That’s a statement of fact, objectively speaking. Of course I’m confident when it comes to stating a fact.

[Spencer flips the penny between his fingers a few times, then makes it disappear and pulls it out from behind her ear.] 

**Elle** : _There’s_ something to get cocky about. You’re good with your hands, doctor.

[Spencer gets flustered and drops the penny, laughing at himself.] 

**Spencer** : That’s different. 

**Elle** : How so? 

**Spencer** : I’m not going to take a girl home and show her my magic tricks, for starters. [He finishes his drink hurriedly.] Are you ready to go? I’m ready to go. 

**Elle** : You’re not getting out of this _that_ easily. 

[They both slide off their stools and pull on jackets. Elle looks around for Morgan, but he’s way too focused on the girl to notice them. Spencer makes a face. They head for the door and start walking down the block.] 

**Elle** : Look, objectively speaking? You’ve got cheekbones that could cut glass and you’re a goddamn genius. You know more than me about… well, almost everything, and as annoying as that can be — [She rolls her eyes and sighs, annoyed by her own sincerity.] — it’s impressive. Not to get all schmoopy about it, but… you’re pretty awesome, Doc. 

**Spencer** : I _know_ I’m awesome. This isn’t about my self-esteem. 

**Elle** : So what’s the problem? 

**Spencer** : A random girl in a bar isn’t interested in my IQ. And anyway, it’s not… I know how to _talk_ to girls. But I’m not about to take one home. 

**Elle** : Why not? 

[Spencer sighs heavily, looking exasperated.] 

**Spencer** : You want to know why I’m confident in my ability to make pennies disappear? 

**Elle** : I mean… not really, but I’m guessing you have a point. 

**Spencer** : It’s because I’ve been practicing my whole life. I’ve mastered the skill because I’ve had years to do so. 

[Realization slowly dawns on Elle’s face.] 

**Elle** : You’re a virgin, aren’t you? 

**Spencer** : Virginity is a social construct based on inherently patriarchal values of purity and the commodification of the female body. [Elle looks sideways at him, raising an eyebrow.] Yes, I’m a virgin. 

**Elle** : So, is it about romance? You want the first time to be special? [Spencer shrugs.] Hate to break it to you, but most first times are funny at best. The sooner you get it out of the way, the sooner it can be an embarrassing story for Morgan to laugh at. 

**Spencer** : Yeah. Great. That’s _exactly_ what I want. 

**Elle** : No, really, what are you hung up on? [They’ve arrived back at the motel. Elle starts opening her door, but pauses.] You want to come in for a minute? Finish this conversation over another drink? 

[Spencer shrugs and follows her inside. She starts pouring drinks from the minibar while he continues.] 

**Spencer** : I guess part of the problem is the… learning curve. If I get to that point with someone I already have feelings for, that’s a lot of pressure, you know? But it would feel disingenuous to just pick up a random girl at a bar. 

[Elle hands him a glass and they sit down.]

**Elle** : Disingenuous? 

**Spencer** : False advertising. [He gives her a self-deprecating frog face.] That doesn’t seem fair to her. 

**Elle** : You’re telling me you don’t want to pick up a girl in a bar because you’re a _perfectionist_?

**Spencer** : Well… yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it. I don’t like being bad at things! 

[Elle laughs and then stares at her glass for a moment, rolling it between her hands thoughtfully.]

**Elle** : Which means you need someone who knows what to expect. Someone who’s okay with… the learning curve. 

**Spencer** : I mean, I know the theory, but — 

**Elle** : That’s something you can’t really learn from a book. 

**Spencer** : Unfortunately. I need some practical experience. 

**Elle** : You need someone you trust. [Spencer nods.] Somebody you’re comfortable with, but not so emotionally involved with that you feel like you need to impress them. 

**Spencer** : I guess. Yeah. 

[Elle raises her eyebrows and waits for him to get it. It takes a minute. His first instinct is to laugh, then he realizes she’s serious.]

**Spencer** : Really? 

**Elle** : Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out. 

**Spencer** : But… _why_? 

**Elle** : You saved my life. Seems like the least I can do. I owe you one. 

**Spencer** : I didn’t do that because I expected something in return! You’re my teammate, and my friend, and — 

**Elle** : Because you know more than me about almost everything else in the world, and for once I’d like to be the one showing off. 

**Spencer** : That’s not — 

**Elle** : Haven’t you been listening? You’ve got cheekbones that could cut glass, and — _objectively speaking_ — you’re pretty awesome. Besides, you’re my friend, and — [She hesitates, looking down at her glass, and the next part sounds almost painfully honest.] — my first time wasn’t great. It _wasn’t_ with someone I trusted. And I guess if I can make sure it’s not like that for somebody else… 

**Spencer** : Oh. [He smiles slightly, looking touched.] You really mean it? 

[Elle rolls her eyes.]

**Elle** : One night only, no strings attached, and if you _ever_ mention it to _anyone_ on the team I will kill you in your sleep, but yeah. I mean it. 

**Spencer** : Not a word. 

[Elle drains her glass and straddles him matter-of-factly. He looks very overwhelmed.]

**Spencer** : Did you know — 

[Elle puts a finger to his lips and shakes her head. He closes his mouth immediately, and she gives him an approving nod, teasing but also genuinely fond.]

**Elle** : You’re a fast learner, aren’t you? As long as you can follow directions and keep the statistics to yourself, I think we’re going to have some fun tonight. Now, shut up and kiss me. 

[Spencer smiles. Cut to black.]

**Author's Note:**

> Please come say hi on tumblr, I'm @there-must-be-a-lock over there! Comments are greatly appreciated :)


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